Just like a prayer.

The thing about knowing my exits? I haven't had one from here. Going on two years. Being stuck in a horrible place for a finite number of days/weeks is doable. Not having a car is doable though it would be nice to have taxis or busses or someplace to walk to. But as I've said before, I didn't come here on purpose, but I have a purpose being here. I'm committed to the dogs. But with no vet, no medical or dental care for humans, horrible food, no fresh produce, meat that I'm pretty sure is horse or human, no place to buy a tshirt, a shoe, a pant...it's bare bones. And it cannot be saved.

 

So, I'm also committing to myself. It has become unsafe and unhealthy being here. I can (and have) compartmentalized (emphasis on the 'mentalize') my time here. Long gone are the dreams of making lasagna, or selling cafe con leche or making friends or finding ingredients or adopting out rehabbed dogs to locals. 

My hopeful idealism and "I can be the change I want to see in this town" vision was squashed a few rock throws ago. Being yelled at, threatened, hated are things I hadn't imagined when I started pulling ticks out of ears and spending all of my money and maxxing out my credit card on stray dogs' food and medical care. I've been living in an industrial scrap yard with a two room tienda in back because it's a fenced area for the dogs. I've been using a hotplate and mini fridge for 2 years. There are no counters, storage, closets or chairs. As a former chef/restaurateur/home renovator/farmer--and organic food purveyor, it's a huge drag but I have told myself that I've had plenty of chairs, counters, nice kitchens, good neighbors, food, nice views and been embraced in all kinds of places before this. But the filth, lack of clean food and water and joy is zapping my soul. The rock throwing dog hating American loathing locals is a final straw. It sucks living here but it sucks more if you're a dog. And for every dog I spay, trap, feed, bring home...there are more tossed on the street and breeding by the dozens. I will never catch up. 

I cannot buy a car from here and without a car/van I cannot move these dogs out of here and without a destination or American rescue to accept them? I'm here forever. So I'm hopeful and excited that I found a rescue today after searching DOG SANCTUARY MX wondering if there was someone like me, but more established and in a better place in MX who could help with these pretty great rehabbed street dogs most of which I've been fostering for over a year. 

I could have them transferred out of this hell hole (with me!) as I'm pretty sure my prospects to find a rental elsewhere with 10+ dogs is slim. I'm always surprised by the number of folks who think I could rent a field somewhere and live elsewhere and I suppose but they're not horses or cows. And dogs can often choke on stuff...not just Kong toys, I can't remember how many times I've pulled a stick out of the bridge of Brady's mouth or recently a stuck bird feathered wing from Dusty's throat...unsupervised dogs alone in a field sounds like a disaster. Anyway, I want them in foster homes, I don't even think pack life should be this dense for one person, though we haven't really had any fights but I'm head on a swivel super vigilant haven't left the house or slept for more than 15 minutes for 2 years guardian so that's why. 

I'm almost afraid to call this rescue because everyone I've reached out to over the last years has either ignored me or said NOPE, too full. But I have faith. They venture down this coast and pick up dogs on the Sea of Cortez  in Rocky Point and that's only about 3 hours north of here. I'll figure out how I'll get them there later. Right now step one is WILL YOU TAKE THESE DOGS? And find them fosters and place them? And that is my prayer. It's in Santa Rosa California and part vet, part mission, part rescue center. This is what these dogs need. And we all need to get out of this town. It's unsafe and increasingly aggressive. Send good thoughts. 

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