It was always like this?

the sweetness of fake memories and delusional futures

Do you ever wonder if your version of the past is accurate? Was it really that bad in Florida? (yes) Was it that delicious in Florence? (yes, but it felt creepy) will I do better in another town or will it be worse? (Tulsa) Am I going to feel dark there too or am I right—- that these are not my people? (driving all over Mexico)

Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to see other stuff, experience bigger moments, travel, live in exciting places. My mom always said, “Yea but no matter where you go there you are…” and that’s true but she said it like it was a bad thing. I’m not running away from anything, I’m running TO things.

When I was 17 I was accepted to a nice small Liberal Arts college in Chicago. I really wanted to go to college in Chicago. For a 1980s suburban kid from Florida that was supercharged big city high rolling. And I got in with my ACT and grades alone. *Remember when we thought ACT and SAT scores mattered? They roll that over as credit scores as an adult and then you find out that nearly every school and every seller of things will TAKE YOUR MONEY even if you’re a dipshit who never pays anything…you stop caring. The dazzling narrative of “accepted to” is a bunch of BS.

But I listened to fear mongering…it’s too cold! it’s dangerous! you’ll never find an apartment! you’ll have no friends! and I caved. I went to the predictable University of Florida despite hating campus life, frat life, football and all the rest. After 2 years I switched to a commuter school in Tampa at USF and finished my BA. You know how many times I’ve been asked about my degree? Zero. As in never. It’s on my resume but it hasn’t mattered. Not in advertising in NYC, not in sales with Perrier water, not with PR with big brands and events in Tampa. NEVER. If you’re a doctor it matters. Let me rephrase, if you’re a surgeon it matters.

Remember when we used to make fun of the University of Phoenix? Now everyone goes to Zoom Skool. Nothing is what we’ve been told. I ended up being a self taught chef and opening bistros and wine bars in small towns outside Atlanta that needed upstarts. It was creative and fun and terrifying but validating. I have never even taken a cooking class and I found all of my success in the restaurant business. I had some talent and passion for the culinary arts for sure, but top service, consistency and hard work made it.

So if you’re young and reading this, just live your life. If you want to have a job in XYZ go work/intern for XYZ company. Better yet go to trade school. Travel the world. Volunteer. Put water purification systems or electricity in the Congo, work a vineyard in Italy, learn many other languages, surf in Mexico and build a hut. Learn how they make Mezcal. See what floats your passions in your 30s. I’ve learned more on YouTube in my 50s than I EVER learned in college. And in the end, we all end up making most of our money making margaritas. I’m talking real life money, not Big Tech or criminal politics money.

Don’t buy into the hype. Be a plumber. Be a welder. If you must work a money job or have an office gig, go into Sports Management and help the talented not blow all their money on a Lambo they’ll have to live in after they tear their rotator cuff.

Start an app, see what’s next after podcasting. Educating yourself can be curated by YOURSELF. College is for parties and boozing and lately, it seems, for getting murdered or assaulted someway sexually. It’s a scam. It was that way in the 80s too, but it was WAY cheaper. It just sounded noble…I’m going to university and studying. What it really means: ‘my parents want me out of the house so I’m off to some goofy campus somewhere where I’ll learn how to booze and hook up while skipping all my classes and pirating finals and dealing Adderall.’

Learn how to solve problems. Traveling will show you what they are. Coral reefs disintegrating? (start a coral farm like this Coral Vita in the Bahamas) micro lending, hydroponics, there’s a lot going on and I want to be a part of it. Not lab meat new, but microgreen new.

Supply chains, air travel, housing, transportation, food—-it’s all falling and rebuilding. It’s all changing so quickly it’s exhausting sometimes in the 5th decade, I’ll be honest. I don’t have answers for myself right now but I was for sure not going to keep trying to force my past careers into a new paradigm. 25 years of specialty wine and food service experience will get you an $11/hour job at a wine shop in a medium city. My organic farm and heritage poultry ventures gave sexy Instagram photos and no money. I hung up my apron a few years ago. I must reinvent the reinvent.

If I had to do it again? I would have not gotten tied down to people places things because in reality, after break ups, growth, deaths and financial ups and downs, you can still be solo with no direction well into your fifth decade no matter how well you plan, how hard you work, how much you save. It makes me wish I had a good excuse like “crypto” got me. But no. I just lost a million in the housing bust of 2008. I feel like being on a coke and gambling bender would have been more noteworthy. A bank scam tanked my “safe investments”? Lame.

You cannot cover all the holes in the future. You cannot invest “safely” and be guaranteed returns. All the ‘slow growth’ safe investments that lost all their value after 15 years? And the housing market bubble. Don’t get me started. And remember, when you cash out you’ll need to go somewhere. So find out where you can live cheaply. And land or paid for houses are great but they still cost money. Taxes? Roofing? Insurance? Plumbing? Not one day passes that I regret selling my mom’s “paid for” house in Florida. That 1960s money pit would have been the source of much stress and loss trying to ride out the peaks and valleys. What people call an asset is sometimes surprising to me.

So what is next? I have no idea, but I hope it doesn’t revolve around JUST making money. Turns out all the things I like to do, don’t cost much. Freedom is priceless. Be careful what you’re beholden to.