I'm demoting myself

I will not be refilling the position

I'm happy to announce my retirement from the position of General Manager of the Universe effective immediately. It's been an un-lovely yet grueling unpaid career spanning over five decades and I think I'm going to retire the jersey. 

I've been mostly ineffective in all things that I tried to control, worry about, change, beat my breast to, renovate, train or reverse the course of nature. Political, health, medicine, my opinion matters to no one but me and so, I shall keep it there. 

As I chased my last pack of dogs in my slippers with a broom at 4am so they'd stop copulating and chasing two exhausted females in front of my door, I laughed. A lot. Several thousand dollars and much tick pulling and hand wringing over stray dog pregnancy and rehoming drama for the 12 I've rescued and my general mounting dislike of the word "rescue". Ugh. What am I doing even? I'm trying. I'm not assisted by community nor government and mostly, I'm seen as a fool. And there are more strays on the streets than EVER. 

I'm keeping my side of the street clean. I'm feeding the 8 (yes now 8) who live in my house…it was 12 then 10 but Andie is unreachable and insanely feral and even though spayed, (thanks to the former GM) still is a streety street hooker street dog. And Pedro is a stand up fellow but he also is street. The remaining 8? I look for homes and likely will keep 4, or who knows. One day at a time. Brady is 15 now and she's my only actual dog…River I made an effort to save and bring with us from Veracruz and she's mine too. If she likes. The rest were starving on the streets here and now have grown up with me. Lovely dogs all of them. For someone.

But I'm going to start watercoloring again or knitting scarves for the dogs I have and do what I can to encourage people to spay or neuter and maybe write some more letters to the state of Sonora but something in the face of my new neighbor (who's lived here 34 years) changed me yesterday. 

You'll never change the culture or these people in this town. It's always been like this with dogs. Always. Nothing ever changes. 

And like the big old farm estate I sold years ago that nearly bankrupted me after 14 years, some houses are not worth saving, some situations are futile and you can't go down with the Titanic. I'm dangerously close. But I've just realized I have a life jacket in my pocket. Who knew!? 

My brother had an old VW Vanagon before he died of a brain tumor suddenly at 55. It was perpetually on the fritz and he could "fix anything" and was a collector of Porsche and other classics. That van nearly took him down. I think some days that it was that van which melted his brain, he could NOT ACCEPT that he could not fix this humpty dumpty van. His mechanic would say, meh, sometimes you get a lemon. Dump it. 

But noooooo. He poured more time and money into it. His wife sold it for parts the day after his funeral. 

I'm not abandoning the dogs or my work with them but I'm focusing only on the eight I have, making their beds extra nice, raking their play yards, building some climbing things, firing up the Crock Pot for soup to top their kibble and buying bones from the butcher counter when they have them. And working as much as I can to afford to do all of that.

I'm not worrying about things I cannot change anymore. I'm just not. It's okay to enjoy your life. Or just not have your guts in knots. You'll likely need some energy for something in the future, I reckon. So, I will introduce you to the assistant to the assistant manager when she clocks in. She’s only part time and keeps banker’s hours. Lay your burden down.