Don't worry.
also, why are you so calm?
I generally don’t allow comments on my writing. I’ve had a blog since 2009. Wrote for newspapers and magazines before that. Had a couple restaurants before social media. And I can live without comments. But the tech likes the interaction of course so to build a brand blahty blah blah. It’s all so incredibly boring and transparent. You comment and I’ll comment on your comment and smiley face heart click. Click. You click, no YOU!
And look, I’m human. But I’m also a grown up and sort of a loner and it’s weird to care what strangers say. Yes, I know better. Sometimes it’s nice to get feedback that is positive but opening the door for joyful fairies leaves it open for hairy fart goblins too so until I’m strong enough to ignore a goblin, I leave it shut.
Someone commented on Patreon last week that I was “doing a good job, don’t worry so much!” and you know when a stray comment hits you in the wrong moment and you’re about spun out and burnt out and there’s no good food and it’s hot AF forever and the small victories are really few and far between and you’re super tired of being stranded here and making the mother forking best of it? Those days?
Yea. Eat shit buddy. If I didn’t worry so much about these dogs and the missing puppies in the field and how we will get everyone out and adopted and me into a better house before the landlord moves in a bunch of oil drillers and raises the rent and where are we going anyway and in what van and with what money? I mean I think it’s not worry. It’s justifiable concern. And it’ll work out. It will. But I need to have a safe space to write about it and “talk” to a human. If someone would like to help or say hey! we have a van we’re not using or my uncle has 20 acres in Tennessee or Hidalgo or Arizona or Veracruz that would be safe and affordable for you and the dogs…
That would be great, amazing, super bien, magical. Comment away!
But ‘you’re doing a great job, don’t worry so much’ is unhelpful and probably wasn’t even in a tone. I’m giving it a tone. But just don’t say shit that isn’t worth me logging in to read, ya know? I responded but I gave it 2 days. That’s what I’ve learned in 56 years. Sit on it. Sleep on it. If it still needs some juice, then fine. But NOT RIGHT AWAY. I said I thought it was justifiable concern and wondering where we’ll live is pressing and moving so many dogs blah blah. It was short and I hope it made him feel bad. Because I’m feeling petty. Also because he’s the only dude subbed to my Patreon, he stands out…no woman would ever say “calm down”, “don’t worry so much”, or “smile you’ll look prettier” because we know that’s gas on the fire.
The old me (a younger version) would have rolled off a tome of 5000 words. I’m better at shutting people down quicker now. And also I say in my head…will this make my life better? And if NO, I just ignore a lot. And letting this person know that being alone in an unfriendly Mexican desert town without transportation and rescuing animals with no help is a little desperate feeling. (have a little empathy dumb dumb was the subtext) didn’t make my life better per se but I felt better in the moment and dopamine is a little scarce these days.
And to be fair I’m not a worrier, I’m a problem solver. But if I didn’t worry about these dogs and this situation, I would be in Sayulita drinking a margarita right now saying how sad all the poor stray doggies are in an Instagram post and running to my hot Yoga class and getting a green smoothie from my # sponsored Athletic Greens promo. And not rescuing ANY. Don’t start with me.
The rescue scene is a knife fight and it seems there are Real Ones and Not So Much for the Dogs and then straight up Fraudsters. Rescues that sell dogs for medical testing, rescues that use dogs as drug mules, rescues that have NO DOGS but just raise money in thin air, crunchy Oregon professionals who know how to milk a fundraiser and use smaller rescues as their beasts of burden and drop off the ugly mangey dogs at poor Mexican rescues and take the cutie puppies to SELL er, have you DONATE an ADOPTION FEE of $600 to save Mexican puppies and then go to the Bahamas and start another "brand” of rescue and then build huge swimming pools at their estate and don’t pay vet bills to the people who have been caring for their dumped “we’ll be right back” no longer puppies uggo street dogs. And it’s enough to set your wig on fire.
I’m not dealing with any of that, I’m just the dog rescuer. I’m the crawl under the truck and get the wormy puppy person and start the electrolytes, thankfully I’m not dealing with any corporate sponsors and Influencers or grant writers. I’m an idiot and just use my own money and get enough donations to survive and I eat a lot of beans and I’d LOVE a new van or an old van or a Sponsored van to drive all over and spread joy and love and save dogs but I’m not licking the corporate boot for it. Not like that.
Dogs first, figure out money later. But there’s a lotta dirty players in EVERY charity and places that have poor people have tons of neglected dogs and “rescue” work can create a job for locals. It’s a slippery slope. But the “influencers” who are coming to Mexico and grabbing dozens of puppies and hauling ass back to liberal crunchy Oregon and slapping bandanas on them and selling for 600/each are monsters. And for not paying outstanding bills to little Mexican rescues (not mine, another guy) is unforgivable. And I see you.
I think with enough pressure and shaming, this woman will pay her outstanding bill even though she said she’s “not involved in the day to day anymore…” but she “handles the books”…and she definitely gives off the ugh don’t bother me I’m in Bimini vibes. I feel for the Real One rescuer who is the one getting the one sentence response to her 4 page emails. We all know this person who is so detached and above it all. And I strive to be this person but I don’t think I’m cut from this cloth. I let the Real One know that I think the lady will pay the bill and to remember that she’s asked for remission by the 15th and it’s the 12th. She’s not gonna pay it EARLY even though it’s 4 months overdue, that’s showing her hand. And maybe a tiny part of her knows that you’re going BANANAS and that makes her nipples hard. Just a little. Power is a crazy drug.
Just wait, I say. And the Real One said, UGH, how can you be so reasonable? And the New Me (the older version) knows that it depends on what button is pushed. I don’t take offense to being called Reasonable. I want to throw a fork at your head if you say I’m a Worrier because…nerve struck. Very few people in my life have called me cool, calm and collected. I rather like it. I’ve heard, hot headed, high strung, ambitious, driven, aggressive —-most of my life. Now I’m in this middle phase of later years and almost done with the work bullshit don’t bother me phase. Put me out to pasture and let the younger bulls come ask my advice but let me eat my dandelions. I’m happy to help. Don’t make me take my horns out.
linktr.ee/lolasdogrescue for more info