Did we throw God out with the holy water?
Hanging with an old friend
There was that time in life, for a lot of us, when it was just not cool to be all religious and Jesusy. We used to call them Jesus freaks. Holy Rollers. Whatever I'm sure you couldn't say today. I'm early GenX and we said all kinds of stuff that was disallowed with the next set of Wokesters. I grew up Catholic and had to do all the Communion and Catechism and Confirmation I think it was called? I remember the Communion dress and that the wafers tasted like paper. The rest I just phoned in. The first time I asked a Theology student why we were here, like on earth. And he was stumped, I knew it was all just a guessing game.
Mass was so much drama.What was all the pomp and circumstance for? I liked it mostly because it was an interlude during Mass that we could get up and move around. I'm not a big sitter downer. I also liked stained glass and the light that poured through the tall windows in the old St. Cecilia's Church in Clearwater, FL. I hated the "folk mass" at the new Light of Christ Church that we had to go to. So basic. I'd much rather the 7am mass with the old Italians in Latin and the heavy incense ball and the robes. Keep your approachable acoustic guitar out of it. I saw the Church for what it was. The Dark. The Power. The Control. And if religion gets you through your life, party on. Life is a slog after you're 25. If we're honest.
But the mystic God stuff and the Holy Spirit, that held my attention. Not so much the priests. And for sure not after I found out that they were having their diddle parties with the altar boys. And no one did anything about it. The Church is corrupt AF and we all know it. But I never dismissed God. Church is just a middle man making money off the product. The day I saw Monsignor Skully drive away in a Mercedes after they passed that long handled basket down the pew to ask for money envelopes I was like, "Hello? Does anyone else see that this is a BUSINESS?" and around 13 years old I was snappy enough to say I'm not taking part in this charade anymore. If I had to go to Alateen meetings because my Dad was a boozer, I definitely wasn't giving up my Sunday mornings to go with him and my mom to sit for 2 hours and pretend we weren't a seething cauldron of deceit the rest of the week.
Youth Group was pretty cool, that was in the evenings and something for teens to do which means we smoked and got the teacher to buy us beer sometimes. Or weed. I wasn't a bad teen, but I was definitely into some make out parties and maybe a hitchhike to the beach. The presbyterian church kids were my friends though and we got to go to sleep away camps and all kinds of mountain retreats.Tons of boys and the most slack chaperones and good reggae and I don't remember one thing about churchy stuff or classes or anything. Knowing what I know now it was likely just a big money weekend aka Church Camp. To act like the rich boys who were up there rubbing on us teen girls were any less dangerous than the fresh from juvy, poor, future mechanic Farley Brothers next door? Silly. In fact the Farley Brothers knew it was dangerous to mess with us, those rich boys had connections and lawyer daddies who would get them out of an Age of Consent pickle. Which I never thought about until I was much older. Think Paul Murdaugh...that sort of untouchable vibe. Never liked those boys.
But back to God. We started saying we were Spiritual. Not religious but we believed in a higher power and we called it The Universe or Source. When the Yoga "gurus" and other charlatans starting pouring out of the woodwork selling their potions and supplements and suggesting that their way was the ONLY way. I started to smell another rat in rebranded robes. For every creepy Bikram yogi who gets caught there's 10,000 more in the walls. Like cockroaches. I got the same feels at the yoga retreats. Feels like Church! Lots of egos running around. But still, I didn't blame God. These are just resellers.
I know deep down there's something bigger than us, I think we know we're all part of the whole and that the God particle is us, we have the spark inside but we don't all access it or know that we can. We have angels and guidance and instinct and free will. The spirits talk to us through the trees and the animals and the fungi. Some rely a bit too much on the plants and mushrooms for answers, I think that loses the plot. You can use the key to open the portal but you're supposed to walk through it and take some risks and make some changes. I think. I don't KNOW anything of course. But I think the Divine likes it when we have courage.
We've been programmed differently. All of us. Divine Wisdom is there to pick from the tree if we reach for it. Creating our life may not look like a Vision Board made after watching the Secret, but when we follow a winding path to see what is next, I think that awakens the Sprites. It's always been a big road trip with no end point destination. When I stop trying to make things "better" and just open my heart and give where I don't think I can anymore, I feel better automatically.
There are days when I wonder why there is depression and war and sadness and pain and illness if there is free will and all this Divinity. But it's not a non stop party, I think we'd run out of gas for that. Just like a lot of us would agree that we can't continue on a non stop downward spiral. We have to feel all the emotions for fullness. And service and care and kindness should be bigger pieces of the pie. Somehow it seems like banks and politicians are eating all the pie, and they are. But there's lots more pie and other types of pie and oh, look! A whole pile of pie over there...avert your gaze. Turn off the TV. Lay off the hooch. Diminish a few crutches. Go visit the elderly in a care home or walk some dogs in a shelter. God is in those details. It may surprise you if you've been away for a while.
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